Friday’s Focus—Follow Your Instincts

These last few days have been a series of postponements, withdrawals, and redirects for commitments I made and tentative plans penciled in, but late last week situations arose that almost immediately tested my best laid intentions. For a few days, I was flexible and rolled with the changes but there came a point I knew it wasn’t going to last and I needed to make some decisions.

I was torn between “I can do it all!” and the more real thought, “I can do it all, but either I’m going to wear myself out or the projects committed to will suffer.” I know all too well about burning the candle at both ends and burning myself out in the process and I wasn’t keen on going down that road again. Giving my word and commitment to someone and something is important to me, but the way things took a zig from its normal zag recently in a plan still known only to God and the angels, I decided to put aside my can-do zealousness and listen instead to my instincts for guidance.

I sat and thought and prayed and listened deeply to what I wanted to do and what I needed to do, and without any hesitation and the loudest cheerleader of all, my instinct gave me the answer right away. I knew what I had to do and that my decisions were fair not only to myself but to those people and projects I committed to.

Sometimes our instincts go completely against the things we want to do and yet we hush and ignore them only to have regrets later. Maybe the next time you get a gut feeling or your instinct is kicking up about something, listen and trust it.

Whether you want to believe that whisper is your guide, God, an angel, a favorite relative that passed over, or your higher Self, listening to your intuition—that voice—is a decision that will never steer you wrong and you won’t regret. I know I haven’t.

Have a good weekend!
Keeping it light and singing LiLoLa [Live, Love, Laugh] all the way…

Friday’s Focus—A Prayer to Your Higher Self

Sit quietly and settle yourself in the peace of a moment. Silently, repeat 11 times to yourself:

Thank you, [insert your first name] for allowing me to live my life through you.

With each repetition, reach deeper into your heart, knowing that every day you are here on Earth, you are allowing your higher self to live through you.

Have a good weekend!

Keeping it light and singing LiLoLa [Live, Love, Laugh] all the way…

 

Twilight

Aching in the beauty of the grace of love in this moment,

my cells and emotions remember a past my mind refuses to acknowledge.

My heart aches as it grasps at the memory and I  silently scream yes/no!

Yes, I remember; No, please, not all that pain again.

The exquisiteness brings tears to my eyes.

Maybe it’s painful only because I cannot hold all of that love, all of that grace, and sweetness in this body and so I have no choice but to surrender and

I start to do so

with each tear that silently rolls down my cheek.

My hands cover my heart in prayer as I

drown

in the agony

of the ecstasy.

One Day Last Week

One day last week, I got home before my husband, so I had the house to myself for a while. It had been a hectic few days so it felt like a guilty pleasure to change into my sweatpants and just sit and relax without having to move right into making dinner or starting laundry. Sitting quietly on the couch, I had the TV on low, tuned into a British medical drama I’ve always passed by but thought this would be the perfect time to watch it. So there I was, letting my senses and soul knit themselves back to normal as I let myself get lost in the lilting British accents when I heard a distinct whhhhoooooossssh THUMP.

I tend to hear weird noises in my house (who hasn’t?), but sometimes things have moved on their own here before and I also grew up in a house that was spiritually active so I’ve always been around bumps in the night, or in my case days also. After hearing the noise, I still jumped and thought “What now?” It didn’t take long to find it and I laughed after I got over my shock. A book my husband had put on the bookshelf a few days prior had slid off the top shelf and landed on the floor. The title? God will Provide. No kidding. It was a book on the lives of various saints that we both enjoy and have always loved the title. Huh. I left the book where it was to show my husband and sat back on the couch. There was no reason why it had fallen from a secure spot.

I couldn’t stop smiling. What a great message. I really wasn’t scared. Who would be with a message “God Will Provide”? Yeah sure the delivery of the message was a little unusual but I was willing to look past that. A short time later, a smudge feather I’ve used in many Shamanic practices that had been sitting on a drum across the room suddenly flipped over end to end with a soft whoosh of the feather and landed on the floor. That one I caught out of the corner of my eye and so witnessed the whole cartwheel. This one startled me a little bit more. There was no reason—no breeze, no gust of wind, no open window, open door, no nothing that would explain that flip. It wasn’t even a sliding off but it flipped end over end. Again, I was shocked, but feathers are very special to me, and this feather, in particular, and I went back together a long way so I knew it was motivated to move by a good energy.

I told my husband about the book and the feather when he got home and asked him if he thought there were any logical reasons that he could see why they had fallen, and he admitted no, there really wasn’t. These two occurrences have stayed with me since then and I’ve wrapped myself up in the comfort they’ve left me with the loud and clear message that I am not alone and that no matter what happens, “God will Provide” and the feather falling told me that my guides and helping Spirits were around.

I thanked whomever it was that helped deliver the message (and yes, accepted the signs from only in the highest good). I have some otherworld helpers for sure and to me it doesn’t matter which one of them did it but rather I am grateful for the message. It was timely. There are days I pray from the knees on my heart for peace, grace, and strength to do whatever needs to be done and sometimes the prayer is just one of thankfulness for the new day and to see what I will learn. Messages of confirmation or love or support from the Universe or whomever, aren’t always that direct to many people or me I know, so the fact that it was so exacting really told me a lot. It was a spiritual slap upside the head to say “Hey! It’s okay! Don’t worry. Things have a way of working out.”

Sometimes I have fun and I outright ask, “Show me what I need to know for right now or for today.” And then I let it go, but without a hitch, at some point I will come across an advertisement on a truck, a vanity license plate, overhear a part of a conversation, something that will just root me to the spot that fits in perfectly with what I may need to hear. We hear what we need to hear in many different ways. So if you’re praying for something and you don’t think you’re getting an answer (yes, sometimes not having the answer is also an answer), be open to what crosses your path and see if you don’t find that answer in the most surprising places.

Ram Dass Was Right

Watching my husband deal with his illness has taught me more than just dosages and side effects that people going through chemotherapy have to deal with. As a partner, a witness, and being a survivor myself, if you ask anyone who’s had it, cancer can be one of life’s biggest teachers–if you allow it.

It was many years ago that I had my own struggle with cancer, and now, I find I’m on the outside looking in at another cancer battle. I know this fight is not about me, but I can’t help but see the lessons that are here for me, too—as a wife, caregiver, partner, nurse, woman, daughter, human being.  I cannot speak for my husband but we talk a lot about what he’s going through and what lessons there are for him in all this. It was after one of those conversations I realized that the lessons that illness can teach, aren’t necessarily limited to those directly suffering from it.

I’ve learned things about myself, some good and some not so good. I’ve finally learned where my limits are and that it’s completely okay to say, “No.”

No, I can’t do it
No, I’m not going to worry about this
God, you can take this one.

So I didn’t and God did, and because of that, I am trusting more and having faith that things will get done and whatever way it falls, things will be alright. Really.

I’ve learned how uncomfortable people are with the word “cancer”, and because of that, I have become more aware of other people’s unspoken fears.

I’ve learned that sometimes, the deepest unconditional help and love can come from the most unlikely people, so I’m learning to stop being judge and juror.

I’m learning to accept help with grace and not taint it with feelings of failure because I couldn’t do things myself.

I’ve learned how genuine the human heart can be and that there really are good people who put others first when they see someone needs help.

I’ve learned that when someone is in pain, or afraid of the unknown, or just plain feeling like crap physically, emotionally, mentally, it doesn’t matter what my deadlines are, what I’m wearing, how much I weigh, or how much the cable bill is this month. I’ve learned the most important thing is to be present with that person right there right now.

I’m learning to be out of my comfort zone and being okay with it.

I’ve learned it shouldn’t take an illness or the death of someone to find ourselves realigned and reawakened. Sometimes this has to happen—we have to get shaken up—in order to wake up. There will always be that call to make and that book to read and that TV program to watch, but there is a rhythm to life and relationships that seem only to get noticed in times of fear and problems. I’m learning to be more aware, more present, and to get more out of my head and into my heart.

Finally, I’ve learned to thank the circumstances that have surrounded my family for the past few months, because without them, I wouldn’t have learned to dance to this new rhythm and Be Here Now. As long we’re alive, we never stop learning and I don’t know what future lessons will bring, but right now, I can tell you that if you asked me what I know, I’ll say I know nothing. If you ask me what I’ve learned, I’ll say a lot.

To be continued.