I sit in the dark listening to the lonely hooting of the owl as it stands sentry to the stars that fade into the coming day. Hoo… Hoo… It calls. This becomes my mantra of Who … am I? Who…. am I?
I ground myself in Sukhasana; Easy Pose and let my Shadow self find her way. I slow my breath and let it breathe my body instead of my body controlling my breath.
Thoughts enter from all directions. They bump against each other, creating smaller, but louder thoughts that explode with attached emotions in my mind’s eye.
I sigh an internal “sssshhhhhhh” at the carnival and finally the thoughts begin to look like shooting stars. Brilliant in their flash, but with less and less emotion attached to them, they quickly die out. Another one comes to take its place. Then another. Then another. Finally, there are no more. Just my breath and the gentle rocking of my body as it is carried on the inhale and exhale. An oceanic rhythm in solid form.
The shooting stars are gone and in their place is a light brighter than a thousand suns. Even with my eyes closed, I am blinded by the searing white purity of All that Is.
Without conscious thought, my spine lengthens, my shoulders roll back, and and my heart reaches forward to receive the Cosmic kiss of the light. My heart fills with love and my soul aches in the beauty of it. I revel in the remembrance of Who I am, consciously willing to hold it all in for my return journey into this moment, this breathe, this body. Now.
I wanted to use the word grace for this post but it is a hard for me to talk about it, to really be able to convey what it is and means to me. Maybe it’s just because I like the way it sounds and I like the way I feel when I say it or think about it.
The classic Webster’s definition of grace is quite clear and easy to understand: divine assistance, or virtue, from God; behavioral skills used in polite society; an attractive trait. To me, though, the word itself has always seemed Big and Sacred. Words just don’t seem to do it justice in defining it and it’s so much more then Webster’s effort.
There are some words in our English language that evoke feelings or emotions regardless of their definitions. For example, think of the words giggle, sunshine, peace, enchant, lullaby, sigh, and then you have the other end of the spectrum with snarky, pus, or shrill. Didn’t you feel a twinge with each word? To me, there is something soothing with the word grace. I can almost hear my soul sigh even as I write about it here. Words have the power to evoke an emotional response, and grace is one such word for me.
Grace is innate goodness. It is silk against my soul. It is a smile radiating love. It is pure acceptance with arms outstretched to hold me. It is an opalescent cloud that wraps itself around me. It is Divine and Divinity. I can just weep at its power and emotion. What words give you a hug from the inside and hold your breath even for a moment? I’d love to know what words make you take it a little bit deeper!